I get to play in the dirt.....YAY!!!

What a fabulous morning!!  It is sunny and we are going to see the mid 60's today.  This will be perfect yard work weather.  I headed to the nursery after leaving the office yesterday and bought a bunch of flowers to plant in my pots on the back deck.  I have always loved the first planting event of the season.  For me it is always different.  Some years it is a hanging pot, others it is a vegetable bed and this year it is flowers in pots.  I am not sure I will ever by the type of person that does the same or very similar type of garden year after year, but if I do someday it will be in a yard that is better suited for it.  For now I will plant my planters and be quite happy with that.


Tomorrow is Easter but for me I think it will just be like any other day.  I am not sure what my deal is with holidays but somewhere along the way I lost my interest in them.  I am hoping that changes when I start getting more comfortable in my own skin again.  In fact I was thinking about that when I was driving through downtown last night after going to the nursery.  An event called Arts Walk was taking place and there were people milling all over.  The sun was shining and it seemed like the perfect conditions for the event.  I actually saw an area that seemed to have hand crafted jewelry and I was intrigued...and yet, I could not let myself stop.  There is something inside me that has been there for quite a long time now that holds me back.  It is as if I do not feel worthy or I am so worried about standing out and not fitting in that I completely avoid.  It has gotten so bad that I deal with the same thing with family.  It is nothing they say or do that makes me feel this way, it is completely coming from me.  It has gotten to the point that I avoid as many family interactions as I can, including all holidays.  I really hope that as some of the weight comes off I can start addressing some of these things about myself.  I don't know what the cause is...but I am certainly going to try and do my part to change things.


Well...didn't this take a deeper train of thought then I expected!  LOL  I think we will just leave it at that and I am going to go play in the dirt.  :-)